Family & work in chronic pain
At work I tried to avoid anything that could be connected with lifting heavy weights. As the assistant chief nurse I was now in a position where I usually could afford to choose my own work.
But the pain did not recede; it became chronic and started its marks in my face. Whenever I looked in the mirror I could see the wrinkles grow long before their time had and I knew these were the marks of pain.
At home things were more difficult. As our daughter grew, so grew her weight, and with it the pain I suffered each time I took the child up, each time I played with the child. It was at this time that my husband told me he wanted a second child, this time preferably a boy. I did not know what to respond. I felt like saying: yes, wonderful, but could somebody first buy me a new back?
But I said nothing and just carried on with my chronic pain.
At this time I had already gathered enough medical knowledge to know that I had seriously damaged my spine. I knew that operations would most likely not bring any real relief form my chronic pain but just leave big scars on my body. But of course I had easy access to painkillers at my hospital and it did not long until realized that I started to become addicted to these painkillers.
The temptation was just too big for me to get my daily chronic pain relief and to evade the chronic pain into this mellow mind fog that the painkillers provide.
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