First Pain
In the hours that followed that fateful fall I felt a kind of numbness in my back, nothing really serious or alarming. But when I went to bed that day, the stinging came back, and since then was coming and going without a real pattern - just out of the clear blue sky there it was and there it went.
Sometimes for minutes, sometimes for hours, sometimes for days.
I did not dare to ask the doctors at my hospital about that pain. I was afraid to lose my job or to be scolded because I had not taken a wheelchair for the old lady. In a small town word goes around quickly, so I also did not dare to see any other doctor.
And anyway I doubt they would have helped me. Another two years later I married a fine man who is still with me. One more year and I was pregnant with my first child. My belly grew and so did my pain.
I did not dare to tell my husband. He was so proud of becoming a father and I did not want to spoil his joy by my mourning. And also I thought it might raise doubts as to my qualities as a mother. So I suffered in silence, hoping the chronic pain would disappear. I was utterly wrong.
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